Yes, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make £££s, $$$s, Euros, Yen, Roubles, Gzlotis, whatever currency you love, just for reading this and listening to Foist’s tunes.** The slower you read and the more tunes you listen to, the more you earn… just give us all your bank details below and we will pay into your accounts…***

Why are we paying people to listen to us rather than the other way round?**** It’s down to experience really. FOIST, a few of you will know, has now been in existence since 1989-ish, so that’s 24-ish years! In the early days we actually imagined we might make it as indie stars or something, perhaps travel the world with our music, have a cult form around us… influence the pop charts with our innovative ideas. The reality was that the £20-odd we made from cassette sales (of the 1990 compilation The Storey Of Brian’s Mind) went on beer and chips, and we actually had to work at putting up marquees for scout camps and suchlike in order to pay for studio time, on the rare occasions we went outside Dr Pleasure’s FOIST HQ…

So, increasingly we have given away our music. Before the internet and computers and stuff in tapes in the mail to record companies, DJs, promoters etc, few which seemed to go anywhere but dead letter offices (though I don’t think we ever got round to sending John Peel anything, who knows he might have played it?). The only time FOIST ever made a hit with promoters, the band had split up (thus HEX FREMLIN missed out on supporting REBEL MC, GARY CLAIL, KALIPHZ and FUN-DA-MENTAL in the early 1990s).

Hex Fremlin, along with Casum, Dirtyboy, Helium Dealer, Turbowanker and several other outfits FOIST had high hopes for in its initial phase of 1990-2000 sort of era. Their ‘greatest hits’ (all unjustly misses, truth be told) can be heard on one of the Soundcloud sets here (the other set is five of the best of the newest stuff, which we tried to get people to listen to a month ago, with less than a whisper’s worth of response)

We keep meaning to get round to releasing some of the hours and hours worth of music in our vaults… we gave away the strictly limited-edition run of 13 copies of THIS DEVIL FROM THE WOODS compilation several years ago to random people at ALL TOMORROW’S PARTIES at MINEHEAD BUTLINS (including Thurston Moore of Sonic Youth I believe). Some other FOIST oldies can be found on this earlier Soundcloud, of which we have long ago lost the log-in and password details to so it cannot be updated…

We have now given away ALL the copies of last year’s LP, 3600 ADD… here’s a sample of the 60-track hour-long collection here…

We have not yet got round to releasing the latest EP by new FOIST signing, BIG CUN TREE, MEADOWS OF PHLEGM… here’s a preview of this folkin’ fandango…

And we STILL haven’t had a proper release of the 2011 compilation SYNT, even though this catchy number went down a storm on WHITE LABEL RADIO:

And the few who heard this, our venture into drum’n’bass, liked it (except I think HOLLY, our guest singer, was embarrassed of it for some reason though I reckon she done us proud… but see what you reckon???):

Anyway, we are serious under-achievers here at FOIST, but I, Tarzan, for one, am an attention-seeking pain-in-the-arse (or would be given the chance) and if I had the money***** I would, SERIOUSLY, pay people to listen to us!

I did hear from a good friend of FOIST (one of the small handful of friends we have) that a certain rawwkkkk drummer said “what’s this shit?” on hearing the 3600ADD LP. That made my day, and gave me a reason to go on… WHY? Because we WANT a reaction, and a seriously NEGATIVE reaction is just as good as a POSITIVE one… I would hope that the reason we don’t get people saying “THIS IS FUCKING AWFUL/ DREADFUL/ BOLLOX/ SHITE” is because they’re too fucking polite and don’t want to hurt our feelings, but I fear it’s because either “I CAN’T BE ARSED TO LISTEN/COMMENT” or “IT’S OK, I SUPPOSE”… a non-committal response which just makes me go ARRRRGHHHHHH! So PLEASE anyone who actually does read/listen to this, MAKE YOUR FEELINGS KNOWN, WHATEVER THEY ARE! WE THRIVE ON REACTION OR I DO AT LEAST COS I’M AN EGOTISTICAL TWAT!

Er… anyway… So what’s new on the FOIST front… well after the disastrous no-show of the Brain Parade (a project abandoned midway through), we are now embarking on an ambitious project, a satirical musical/ concept compilation soundtrack with the working title of HECTOR. For this we are enlisting FOIST associates from the near and distant past… our dream is that we get it in the WEST END or BROADWAY, or at least staged by am-dram companies in our beloved native FOREST OF DEAN…

But we all know that at FOIST… DREAMS DON’T COME TRUE, we’re gonna press on with it anyway…

As an aside, Tarzan Evans – that’s me, the principal libretto writer of HECTOR, is also involved with another blog site … which has had more readers/viewers than this FOIST blogsite has EVER had in the space of a couple of weeks thanks mostly to the interview with the famous anarchist Stuart Christie (the next interview we have lined up is of a famous anarchist pop-star, now playwright, I’m so excited about it I’ve almost given the name away!)… the Forest of Dean Anarchists – and we are fucking SICK of people saying “how can anarchists be organised”, when since the 19th century, anarchism HAS ALWAYS been organised – are meeting fortnightly on Tuesdays at the Severn View pub in Lydney on the 2nd Tues of the month, and Bailey Inn, Yorkley 4th Tues of the month).


* Not really
** You’re a sucker if you believed this

*** We’re not gonna empty those accounts, we don’t know how to phish anyway

**** This was a ruse to get you to look, if you hadn’t guessed already (I wonder if it’ll work? Doubt it)

***** If you think I, Tarzan has any money, you’ve obviously never met me/him (to write in 1st person or 3rd person, I can never decide? What a quandary… NOT)



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